yeah 19 or 20

Funny how the sex drive comes and goes. Not getting it at all.

Today is kind of a down day in general and it seems ridiculous that i feel this down after feeling so up yesterday. Fuckin. Tiring.

Work is neither here nor there, i am however looking forward to this sweet piece of ass at the gym who is a big starer and as I am the token homo, he knows what he is getting into. Me thinks there will be some gym whack off sessions soon...ill start the poor adonis like bastard off slow then ill lay him down and just hop on.

Done.

Devirginized.

Killer. Kid is like 20 or so with some mad crazy square shoulders. I think I watched him do chinups yesterday for like an hour. Yeah thats some serious heaving muscles with more lines of definition than ive ever seen. He stares at me staring. I dunno if he gay though...curious umm yeah so im in. At the gym though thats the problem because we are all there to look at other peoples bodies and compare them to ours. I like mine lots. But I dig this kids more.

Fuck its nuts that i had no sex drive all day until i write about this kid..now i may have to go beat off in the can and then come back maintaining some decent shape in my pants.

See now all i can think about is walking into the lockeroom and seeing this dude peel off his sweat stained shirt then pin him up against the locker lift him up under his arms let him wrap his legs around me pull his cock over his boxers give him head while he struggles to both maintain a strong grip on the side of lockers and fuck my mouth.

yeah that'd be tight. Damn im all over the map.

I gotta go..i just got instant blue balls.

Fucking peeps fucks me up....yo

I'm back and im going to make a better attempt at getting this thing going. I just dont have it in me as of late. Gonna make somewhat of an effort.

Been an interesting few weeks. Had a wedding. Had a friend come in who is super hot but straight. Had full out animalistic sex in the weight room of the hotel of said wedding. Hopped in car loaded at 3 am and went to my place and had sex to the point where i woke up with shattered bathroom tiles, matress handles pulled off bed and my bike was upside down. I dunno about the bike. I remember the shower. My ass got nailed by this ridiculously muscular dude.

So him and I hung out last year and there was some extreme sexual energy. Im am so fucking good at seducing staright dudes that its sickening. (how str8 can they be...non?) Really..im a lil sick over the whole thing. He came back this year and he shaved his head to look like mine...was wearing my clothes and just wanted to go to the gym and wear my glasses. We called him single white female.

This year we had a wedding. He came into town. Few mutual friends and I rented a room. Went for a walk after the reception at the hotel and we decided to visit the weight room. Naked and making out and head and sucking and biting in there until we noticed there was a giant filipino wedding party leaving their party and there were GIGANTIC WINDOWS that would expose us totally if the lights came on or if they turned on their headlights. He was shivering and nervous and saying "this isnt right blah blah im str8 and have never even wanted to do something like this..blah blah blah". Hopped in my car loaded (poor choice...hot enough to drunk drive for and i didnt kill anyone..pheuf) at 3 am and went to my place and had sex to the point where i woke up with shattered bathroom tiles, matress handles pulled off bed and my bike was upside down. I dunno about the bike. I remember the shower, I swallowed his load when i wasnt gripping the tiles with neck tense against the wall and ass in the air. My ass got nailed by this ridiculously muscular dude over and over and he was throwing me around. Im 6'3" like 200 lbs and pretty fucking muscular. He. Tossed. Me. Around. It was phenomenal.

Went back to the hotel and hopped into a bed together with our mutual friends screaming at us wondering where we had been for the last 3 hours. Thats right. We had sex for three hours. We laughed and said we were talking and went to some party in another room and then got into bed naked togther and cuddled and slept and got off a few more times. We were killer discrete and no one really said anything.

HUng out the next day platonically.

He put me in a major sexual mood and thus i had about 8 partners within the next week and im digging having sex. I wanna get laid mad as much as possible. I did. Im tired of sex. Fast forward to one week later and he comes back into town. We drink we go out and we party. I give him head a few times and we sleep in my apt cuddled up in the aft. One night we go to a gay bar. This dude has issues and needs to think and be told he is hot. I get pissed and jealous and leave the bar as he is styling ugly fat chics and flaming homo's.

Now the good shit. So apparently he has a breakdown later that night with a friend of mine and they go for a walk and he tells her all of his problems about his obscenely low self esteemm plastic surgery mishaps and his desire to be loved but is not gay blah blah blah.

He is good gay sex lover...me love you long time.

So buddy is seriously fucked up and needs friends more then anything and now i have to be his friend even though all i want to do is screw him eerrr have him screw me senseless and thats fucking me up because i always get to de gay virginize boys and then its just an experiment and i get fucked in the long run...and not in the good way.

But i am trying to be this dudes friend. I think im doing a pretty good job. He is 21 and having some issues. Thats a rough year and i had a shitty time too so maybe i can help..something decent will come out of my melancholy years of rampant drug use and unprotected sex..whoo hoo

Now my depression which is so hot and cold is kinda gone because i am getting so much ass that the euphoric post orgasm feeling seems to last all day long. Now i have lost interest in sex and im not sure if its because i had so much killer sex in a short period of time or what. Im a lil choked about this dude who is seriously hot and idolizes me so much. He needs friends so im gonna do my best. Last friend chat we had I ended up giving him head and we had a shower. He shivers at the start and has to hug me tight to stop. Its weird.

So im not terribly upset these days but I do have bad days which are really fucking bad and i feel like fucking smashing my head against a wall and fuckin thankful i dont have a gun because id blow myself away without a second . Ive been drinking a fair bit. Laid off the pot for the past while and am working out like a madman and my arms are hot as hell and my shoulders be damn broad.

I feel a lil flighty and im not quite sure where i am. The gay community here isnt my biggest fan because i have tended to fuck and chuck a fair bit and im a lil snobby as im not interested in fancy haircuts and being a diva. Fuck. I gotta find where i fit. The boys i like are masculine and just like me kinda...which is odd...i cant write anymore.

This entry fuckin sucked. Sorry, im feeling kinda fuckin sucky.