Where do i go now

I wake up sad. I wake up sad alot.

Not knowing what to do. It's a constant rejection for me. Love him but resent him soo much.

What will I do without him though? I dont want to be who I was before, I'm scared shitless that I will become who I was before. Im scared ill die.

Im so sick of being sad. I am so sick of waking up with tears in my eyes.

I hate seeing him feel bad. I hate making him feel bad by feeling bad myself. I hate it but I really cant handle the thought of eliminating him from my life. What do I hate more? WHo do i hate more is a better question I guess.

Worry about him. I always worry about him. He came here for school, has friends here, fell in love here. We spend so much time together. We help eachother so much. He is clearly my best friend and I tell him everything.

Little things like last night. I didnt know he had plans with these people. He didnt tell me he did. Makes me extra weary everytime he keeps something stupid from me. why not tell me.