Eh Der.
For the love of god is this place funny looking. I dont think I have ever seen so may women with receding hair lines...or male...umm female pattern baldness. Poor poor things. PLugs just dont look right on anyone. Maybe we could have fashionable chapeaus put into the workplace dresscode mix. That'd be cute? It wont make them less ugly. Just less bald.
Laughing my ass off yesterday as I walking towards the can. I drink so much water that i spend hours a day taking a leak..or leaks. I tripped. Over. A. Midget. Talking MIDGET..big letters to emphasize the small man. Dude steps up to about my knee. Hence i walked into the lil bastard and hit him in his glasses with my collossal knees. I guess it happens all the time..the lil guy just laughed and stumbled around and then sped (lose the word sped loosely) back to his desk/whatever the fuck set up he has.
Out of work finally yesterday only to be stuck behind some fellow workplacer who was driving about 10 and weaving around like the a drunk on a cell phone. Note to self: Dont drink and drive anymore on a cell phone. So not chic. Sooooo Im honking because i be wanting me a joint when i get home and I would appreciate it if this domestic car driving bastard would speed up. I take the initiative and pass his dumb drunk ass. Only to see.
It was the midget. . . Standing on the drivers seat. . . steering. . .while working hand controls. Jesus christ, you have got to be kidding me. He drives so slow he could waddle there faster. Midgets. . .I'm all against equal rights. Whatever happened to the old saying "Life is not fair". Lets bring it back people. Speaking of back.
The size of some of friends reer ends seem to be worth notice lately. I pride myself on having pretty friends..because..well...ugly people are offensive, and no fun. Cuz they are all up and concerned at how people look at them because they know they are ugly. Poor bastards. Back to my friends and their fat asses. I told them yesterday and they agree. Weed and winter are bad mojo for asses. Mine however..gorgeous. AMEN.
I've recommended a diet of cocaine and red wine. We'll see how that goes. Ill do what i can to help them out with hook ups and decent priced wine choices. Who can say i dont love my friends?
I on the other hand have been hitting the gym like a mofo and I be tired as hell and experiencing rubber arms and cement legs. I guess this is what a hooker feels like on a sunday morning after straddling all saturday night and holding herself up. HMmm sigh..that may be more fun then the gym. The ab workout I have adopted is fan (fucking) tastic though and I'm feeling good..still not buff to par...but good...umm better...trying to stay fuckin positive.
Had the date on the weekend with this schmo named Kenzie. Fascinating take off from Mackenzie eh? His parents soo made him gay. Like all Gattica stylez...only Ethan Hawke and Jude Law (even in a wheelchair) are way hotter..or more hot. Anywho the boy is cute and tall and buff...no waifs for me..but deuce and a halfs either (250 lbs)... he wore a trench coat and some weird gloves because he is all in a punk band. His shoes were funny too.. I have to overlook that, right?
YES
NO
CHANGE HIM?
Not a bad suggestion but it seems to doom most relationships when you try and change someone. The serious pluses are that he is well Bred and cultured. Im a well bred cultured snob (to a degree..i think its common sense...my friends say its snobbery) and I like the same. He is the same with worse clothes. I will help him..we are the same build. I will ease him into it. He claims to know things must improve wardrobe wise but is too busy. Where are his priorities?
Another fascinating tid bit. ..he has yet to delve into the world of Tom sluttery. Similar to Tom foolery but this guy was wayy easier. Following? Good. So he hasnt been a hoe yet. I used to think that most boys should be a drugged out tramp at least for a bit of their life. Now i disagree because I have some Reeeegrets...lemme tell you...err rather not. I suppose i should go work or read other peoples blogs as I am bored of myself. But you are handsome. Why thank-you. My pleasure. Im fucking thirsty.
Laughing my ass off yesterday as I walking towards the can. I drink so much water that i spend hours a day taking a leak..or leaks. I tripped. Over. A. Midget. Talking MIDGET..big letters to emphasize the small man. Dude steps up to about my knee. Hence i walked into the lil bastard and hit him in his glasses with my collossal knees. I guess it happens all the time..the lil guy just laughed and stumbled around and then sped (lose the word sped loosely) back to his desk/whatever the fuck set up he has.
Out of work finally yesterday only to be stuck behind some fellow workplacer who was driving about 10 and weaving around like the a drunk on a cell phone. Note to self: Dont drink and drive anymore on a cell phone. So not chic. Sooooo Im honking because i be wanting me a joint when i get home and I would appreciate it if this domestic car driving bastard would speed up. I take the initiative and pass his dumb drunk ass. Only to see.
It was the midget. . . Standing on the drivers seat. . . steering. . .while working hand controls. Jesus christ, you have got to be kidding me. He drives so slow he could waddle there faster. Midgets. . .I'm all against equal rights. Whatever happened to the old saying "Life is not fair". Lets bring it back people. Speaking of back.
The size of some of friends reer ends seem to be worth notice lately. I pride myself on having pretty friends..because..well...ugly people are offensive, and no fun. Cuz they are all up and concerned at how people look at them because they know they are ugly. Poor bastards. Back to my friends and their fat asses. I told them yesterday and they agree. Weed and winter are bad mojo for asses. Mine however..gorgeous. AMEN.
I've recommended a diet of cocaine and red wine. We'll see how that goes. Ill do what i can to help them out with hook ups and decent priced wine choices. Who can say i dont love my friends?
I on the other hand have been hitting the gym like a mofo and I be tired as hell and experiencing rubber arms and cement legs. I guess this is what a hooker feels like on a sunday morning after straddling all saturday night and holding herself up. HMmm sigh..that may be more fun then the gym. The ab workout I have adopted is fan (fucking) tastic though and I'm feeling good..still not buff to par...but good...umm better...trying to stay fuckin positive.
Had the date on the weekend with this schmo named Kenzie. Fascinating take off from Mackenzie eh? His parents soo made him gay. Like all Gattica stylez...only Ethan Hawke and Jude Law (even in a wheelchair) are way hotter..or more hot. Anywho the boy is cute and tall and buff...no waifs for me..but deuce and a halfs either (250 lbs)... he wore a trench coat and some weird gloves because he is all in a punk band. His shoes were funny too.. I have to overlook that, right?
YES
NO
CHANGE HIM?
Not a bad suggestion but it seems to doom most relationships when you try and change someone. The serious pluses are that he is well Bred and cultured. Im a well bred cultured snob (to a degree..i think its common sense...my friends say its snobbery) and I like the same. He is the same with worse clothes. I will help him..we are the same build. I will ease him into it. He claims to know things must improve wardrobe wise but is too busy. Where are his priorities?
Another fascinating tid bit. ..he has yet to delve into the world of Tom sluttery. Similar to Tom foolery but this guy was wayy easier. Following? Good. So he hasnt been a hoe yet. I used to think that most boys should be a drugged out tramp at least for a bit of their life. Now i disagree because I have some Reeeegrets...lemme tell you...err rather not. I suppose i should go work or read other peoples blogs as I am bored of myself. But you are handsome. Why thank-you. My pleasure. Im fucking thirsty.
posted by Fauxmosexual at 9:40 AM
1 Comments:
You're fucking hilarious. I nearly choked on my own tongue reading some of this shit. As a proclaimed well-bred cultural snob, you absolutely must make sure he is wearing appropriate clothing. It's just the rules.
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